Catheters……

Dave Robinson Online

Catheters……

.....to go where no object should ever go.

 

So I came around from the operation and there it was sticking out of my manhood - a pipe. And attached to the pipe a clear bag. Bit of a relief really, as I didn't have to experience it's arrival, so that's ok.

In truth, they are a bit uncomfortable and you have to have a  regime with the bag, making sure you empty it in time, before your entire bladder bursts and your scrotum ends up plastered against the wall like the scene from a cheap horror flick.

At night time you have a second bag attached to the first bag and this makes the whole think long enough to pop on the bedroom floor while you sleep. No more getting up in the night!

But no more feeling like you want to go to the loo either - very strange.

Well of course, you still feel the need for - a number 2!

And when this happens your bowel pushes against your bladder and you leak  urine and then usually bleed a bit too. That is  not very pleasant.

Anyway, all of this pales into insignificance when the time arrives for you to have the catheter removed. A nervous day or two beforehand and you are at the hospital. The nurse deflates the ballon in your bladder, holding the catheter in and then gently pulls it out. Sounds easy, eh   Well, actually the nurse climbs into the cockpit of her No. 67 bus and drives it down the entire length of your penis. Or that's what it feels like. Still it only takes a few seconds and you are free, realising of course that you have forgotten completely how to urinate - so you leak - a lot! That's good, because if you didn't urinate, albeit involuntarily, they would put the catheter back in. And you wouldn't want that. I certainly had no intention of having another, but then life does bring its surprises.........